Just kidding. That was always a joke my Dad would tell us when we whined about wanting to know where we were going on vacation.
"Guthrie, kids! It's only 20 minutes away and it has a bunch of beautiful old buildings and a donut shop!"
They took us on a vacation every year, until we graduated from high school. It definitely has a lot to do with why none of us ended up wearing all black and hating smiles.
If I remember right, our flights to Hawaii were paid for because the previous year we took 3 or 4 bumps on our flight from New York City in exchange for a ton of super fun vouchers. I think that added to the awesomeness of our trip; our parents were relaxed and drinking pina coladas like they(the drinks) were virgins and they didn't cost $7.50 a piece.
We went to a luau which was pretty funny. When my mom took a picture with the hula guy, my Dad whispered to me and my brother, "Is he smiling that big because he has such a big package?"
hahahahahaha. Oh, Dad. Making fun of the hula boy's genitals. No wonder I'm so awesome.
They let us come up on the stage to learn to do the hula. Looking at these pictures, I think/hope the reason I went up to the stage was to show off my amazing sixteen year old legs and ass. Get it, 1999 Mary!
One of the best conversations of my life happened that night:
Dad: You sure are a perfect singer, Mary
Matthew: Yay let's talk about how awesome Mary is!
Dad: I don't know where you got that voice, but it sure is incredible.
Mom: I know where she got it. I can carry a tune pretttttttty well.
Mary and Matthew: (snorting with laughter)
Mom: What? I can! I can! She got her singing ability from me!
Mary and Matthew: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dad: Kids, no laughing at your mother when she's telling you how talented she is.
It's been 13 years since we went on that trip, and that line still gets said at least once or twice a year.
I've been thinking a lot about those vacations. Now that Ellis is finally in the clear from her doctor we can go on vacations to other places than San Antonio! So this year we decided on....
|Me and the Dad in Disneyworld in 2004. Okay, maybe more like 1988.|
The bad thing about Disneyland is that it's in California, where everyone is hot and sexy and does drugs. We want to be at least 2 of those things before we go in 90 days.
We can't have Ellis writing down her memories of this trip in 20 years and have them include that mama looked like Rosie Odonnell in the pink teacups....
One last picture of me looking young and carefree.
|My mother reminded me that everyone called me "your majesty" on this trip. hahahah|